You can take action to help the affected people. It can provide a sense of meaning and purpose, much needed in the face of tragedy.

First published: May 11, 2020
https://www.globalvillagespace.com/pia-plane-crash-how-to-cope-with-a-national-tragedy/

Living and surviving these COVID-19 times was already tough when the news of the PIA plane crash hit our screens. Our emotions were on the surface, we were overwhelmed and this news affected us all greatly.

Time and again we have been advised by professionals, family and friends to stay positive, focus on the silver lining and so on. This, admittedly is easier said than done. As humans, we are innately programmed to focus on the negative — an ability necessary for survival, hence we look at danger and threat more than the positives in life.

Need to inculcate positive emotions and optimism within us

First step in this direction is to accept our thoughts and feelings. Allow ourselves to experience these depressing emotions. Remind ourself that it is normal to experience grief, anger and a multitude of other feelings even if the ‘tragedy’ did not directly impact us. We shouldn’t fight with ourselves, but rather allow ourselves to feel the emotions. It is sometimes worthwhile to process natural feelings of emotion that make us humans.

We should look for the facts and limit exposure to excessive news (about the PIA plane crash) that may be untrue. Seek out trusted news sources and avoid sensationalized news reports, also if possible turn off images of the tragedy be it on social media or TV.

Engage in talk about your thoughts and feelings. Seek out trusted individuals and vent, talk about your emotions. This trusted individual could be your family, friends or even a counsellor – the aim is to create a safe space where you can let out your emotions without fear, judgements or inhibitions.

Another method of releasing your feelings is to write about it if you feel you cannot talk about it, pick up a pen and paper and write, write and write. Again, this is your space, no judgements no fear, say all you want and don’t hold back.

You can also take action to help the affected people.Think of how you can be useful for the victims? Explore your altruistic side. No matter how small a step you might take, your behaviour will help the affected individuals and it can help you too. It can provide a sense of meaning and purpose, much needed in the face of tragedy.

Take care and be kind to yourself

I will emphasize on self-care. This is very important. Do not ignore yourself in the process. You always need some ‘me’ time. Be mindful of your eating and sleeping habits, your exercise routine and try to spend some time engaging in activities you enjoy – watch funny movies, get a massage, read a book, or anything that lifts your spirits. Do something for yourself!

I will reiterate if you feel overwhelmed, cannot gauge your emotions or do not know how to cope, seek professional help. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Do not judge yourself harshly. Give yourself time to accept, experience, feel and let go of the feelings. Even in times of tragedy, practice gratitude. It is tough to be positive, but not impossible and definitely beneficial for oneself.

Falak Zehra Mohsin is Founder & Counselor at Holistic Minds. She is a visiting faculty member at IBA, Karachi. She tweets @Falak_Z_M. The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the editorial policy of Global Village Space. 

Mothers of children with mental health needs suffer from stress, anxiety and depression. When a child is initially diagnosed, mothers tend to experience a roller coaster of emotions, from grief, self-blame, stress, anger, worry, to eventual acceptance.

First published: May 11, 2020
https://www.globalvillagespace.com/what-mothers-of-children-with-special-needs-experience/

Mother’s day just went by and most of us wished our mothers and showed them how much we love them. Motherhood is not easy, ask any mother! Its years of worrying, caring, making choices that could shape their child’s life, and so on.

Mothers of children with mental health needs are more at risk of issues like stress, anxiety and depression. A research conducted in 2018 found that mothers of children with a disability (physical or mental health-related) were at a greater risk of developing mental health issues like clinical depression, anxiety, and psychological distress.

Autism (and autism spectrum) is a fairly well-known disorder. Many mothers of autistic children report a bitter-sweet, rewarding yet stressful experience. Sweet and rewarding because, the children often display a lot of love towards their primary caregiver (mother) or that often they display specific intelligence (math or music, etc.) or above-average memory. These experiences provide relief and proud moments in an otherwise stressful life. The National Autistic Society (USA) describes the following behaviours exhibited by children on the autism spectrum:

  • Difficulty relating to others and understanding unwritten rules.
  • Difficulty in communicating (some may communicate in a non-verbal way).
  • Difficulty with thinking flexibly eg. how to cope when plans change.

Parenting children with special needs

Parents of children on the autism spectrum – especially the primary caregiver, who in most cases is the mother, need to manage meltdowns. They need to interact and work with teachers about their child’s special need, drive to therapists and doctors and avoid sights or sounds that can cause sensory overload. Moreover, they have to do their best to maintain a routine and even manage or help their child sleep (some autistic children display sleep disturbances as well).

Another relatively common disorder is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). In a research conducted in 2008, mothers of children with ADHD expressed distress and fatigue. They reported feeling ‘on the edge’ all the time and an absence of ‘normal’. They described motherhood as exhausting. In another study, mothers described their role as demanding, stressful and they often felt marginalized. They often also report guilt and self-blame, worrying that they were the cause of their child’s diagnosis. Others reported having to constantly advocate for their child.

In yet another research, mothers of children with developmental disabilities reported both, feelings of joy and pride as well as exhaustion, stress and depression. According to them, they found motherhood rewarding, self-growing and a learning experience. On the other end, they also mentioned feeling drained, stressed, constantly worried and also reported neglecting self and decreased well-being.

Mother: The primary caregiver

Parenthood itself is challenging, however parenting a child with mental health needs can be especially challenging. Mothers often assume the role of the primary caregiver, which thus increases the burden they may feel.

When a child is initially diagnosed, mothers tend to experience a roller coaster of emotions, from grief, self-blame, stress, anger, worry, to eventual acceptance. Acceptance is often the first step to learning coping strategies. Over time, mothers tend to become focused on coping, be it by getting help, solving problems, and finding meaning in their experiences or by avoiding their problems.

We often observe that it is the mother who becomes an advocate for her child. She fights to give her child a healthy life. They often deal with the stigma and work hard to improve the life their child lives. Hence, mothers need to care for themselves as well. Here it is important to look into effective coping strategies.

Coping with stress 

The first coping strategy is through social support. If the family is supportive, especially if the father is compassionate, it can positively impact the mother’s’ health. In our culture, positive and constructive help from aunts, uncles, grandparents and other relatives also be of great help. It reduces the feelings of loneliness and isolation, as though she is not the lone supporter for her child, she has people she can trust to help her!

If the family is non-supportive or absent, it is a good idea to build social support. This can be in the form of close friendships and even through support groups with other mothers of children with mental health issues. Support groups can prove to be a very significant source of support. Mothers of children with mental health issues are often psychologically and emotionally isolated. They are dealing with long-lasting emotionally difficult circumstances that normally involve numerous stressors. Support groups can reduce this isolation, it gives them a chance to emotionally connect with others riding the same boat.

Secondly, our culture tends to hold mothers up to a pedestal. This can be very distressing and can lead to emotional fatigue. A mother should learn to give herself a break, remember, she is not to blame. In fact, whilst caring for a child, we all make mistakes, the key is not to let those mistakes pull one down and spiral into guilt. Perfection is never possible.

Mothers tend to ignore themselves, put their own needs at the back in favour of their child. However, caring for themselves helps in the child’s recovery, it helps the mother be at her best when the child needs it and helps prevent responding in an emotional or fatigued state. Some tips apart from a support group are:

  • Take a break. Have some me-time – a walk, a long bath, watch a movie or go to the theatre, read a book, some time alone is important and can improve overall wellbeing.
  • Nurturing ones’ child is important but try not to overprotect them. Set limits and communicate as effectively as possible with the child. Know where to draw the line.
  • Do not ignore relationships. Motherhood is important and maybe consuming but ignoring ones’ marriage or other relationships is not a good idea. A good relationship can provide support, strength and joy. 
  • Engage in physical activity, yoga or mindfulness practices to relieve anxiety.
  • Learn more about the mental health issue faced by the child. Ask questions from the doctors and therapists and be involved.

Lastly, and most importantly, mothers should also not shy away from seeking professional help themselves. If they are feeling increased levels of stress, anxiety, depression or any overwhelming emotions, it is advisable to seek support. Seeking help from a counsellor, for instance, can help them vent. It can be a cathartic experience and counsellor can help them build effective coping strategies. Remember, if the mother is unhealthy, if her glass is empty, she won’t be able to be there for her child.

Falak Zehra Mohsin is Founder & Counselor at Holistic Minds (Facebook page:@H0listicMinds). She is a Visiting Faculty at IBA (Karachi). Twitter: @Falak_Z_M. The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the editorial policy of Global Village Space. 

More than 7.5 billion people on earth have fear, anxiety and worry due to the corona pandemic. What should you do to calm yourself? Here are some of the methods for coping with stress.

First published: April 04, 2020
https://www.globalvillagespace.com/corona-stress-psychology-wants-to-help-you/

The novel coronavirus is not only affecting our physical health but also our mental health. This pandemic has created an environment of uncertainty for people all over the world. Research suggests, the human brain is particularly vulnerable to uncertainty. This uncertainty causes feelings of fear, anxiety and worry. In this scenario, what do we need to do to calm ourselves and our anxieties?

First, we should admit that our mindset has now shifted from ‘living’ our lives to ‘surviving’ this pandemic. Our brains have become accustomed to look for danger. Refer to Darwin’s ‘survival of the fittest’ theory; if the brain stops perceiving threats prior to reacting, we won’t be able to survive.

The fight-or-flight response

The brain usually responds to threat by shutting down the logical prefrontal cortex, and activating the amygdala – an emotional, fear center of the brain. With the amygdala activated, our bodies are in survival mode – our fight or flight response kicks in. Chemicals such as cortisol are released in our body which increases our heartbeat and makes our muscles tense. This reaction prepares our body and mind to run, as we become more focused on the danger at hand.

Similarly, the complex interaction between our brain and mind, is diverting our attention towards the information related to the coronavirus.

In the prevailing crisis, physical escape isn’t possible. This leads to anxiety and even paranoia. When the amygdala takes over (referred to as an amygdala hijack) – our behaviour becomes impulsive and irrational and sometimes even selfish. For instance, realistically we know there is no need for hoarding and consuming more food, but unconsciously due to the fear, we’ve become involved in this practice.

With our brain suffering from amygdala hijack, our bodies full of cortisol and our mind in hypervigilance – all our emergency response buttons have been pushed. Hence, our mind is trying to regain some control. In this quest for control whilst our rationality has escaped, we tend to make fear-driven decisions that can make things worse. In such circumstances, our thinking becomes restricted to ourselves and our near and dear ones.

Fighting our anxieties 

The take-away from the above is that now we need to learn to calm ourselves, calm our anxieties – move from a fight or flight response to a rest and digest response. To do this, we need to first accept that these are unusual times and we are not alone in it.

Other methods include:

  • Deep breathing
  • Taking a walk, sitting out in your garden, roof or terrace
  • Exercise and engage in healthy activities
  • Practice mindfulness
  • Start a gratitude diary
  • Stay connected with your loved ones
  • Consult a counsellor just to vent or learn more about fighting anxiety.

Many similar methods help us calm our amygdala. As a result, in pandemics, we need to think about more than just us – we need to focus on our community at large and do our bit to help and support those in need. This can happen only when our mind and brain is calm so we can take informed decisions. Remember, we need each other to pull through this successfully.

Falak Zehra Mohsin is Founder & Counselor at Holistic Minds (Facebook page:@H0listicMinds), Visiting Faculty at IBA (Karachi). Twitter: @Falak_Z_M. The views expressed in this article are author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the editorial policy of Global Village Space. 

Coronavirus has pushed us into various types of psychological conditions. But we can manage it by improving our lives. The lockdown has provided us an opportunity to do things differently. Here is the guide which will help you in “Building Positive Emotions and Immunity during the Coronavirus Pandemic.”

First published: March 26, 2020
https://www.globalvillagespace.com/7-8-billion-people-are-falling-in-corona-anxiety-heres-how-you-can-cope-it/

As news and discussions on Corona virus dominate our screens, on TV, newspapers and e-papers and even social media, we all feel a sense of unease and anxiety.

Governments and health organizations are all issuing directives on how to reduce the spread of the virus via social distancing, social isolation and quarantine; it is imperative that we do not ignore our mental health.

First of all, let’s accept that humans are social animals, we all crave some contact even if it is with just a few close individuals. Hence, apart from the constant COVID -19 updates ‘overkill’, we cannot discount the impact of loneliness or reduced contact on our mental health.

Here, I would say staying positive is important during this time of crisis. I’m sure staying positive is a tough feat but we can work towards it. Constant exposure to COVID-19 updates can cause anxiety, stress and panic. Worrying about ourselves and our near and dear ones can be consuming and can even lead to panic attacks. Stress can actually impact your immunity making you more susceptible!

Remember, out mental health is directly related to our physical health. If our mental health is adversely affected, it will also negatively impact our physical strength and immunity – which is vital in today’s world.

So how do we work towards reducing our anxiety and stress?

I will reiterate some basic ideas shared by many mental health professionals and explore how they might work for us!

Firstly, limit your exposure to news and updates. Unfortunately, the loud and brash talk shows aired continuously on our news channels feeds this anxiety. So limiting your exposure to once every 2-3 hours or 2-3 times a day will only benefit us. Also. Make sure that your source of information is reliable and not based on propaganda.

Secondly, use this time to reconnect with yourself and enjoy the little things in life. For instance, if you enjoyed cooking, baking, arts and crafts or any other activity/hobby that you did not have the time to engage in due to work – pick it up again!

If you enjoy tea or coffee, take time and enjoy the smell and taste of these without interruptions!

As Pakistanis we can enjoy the flavors of spicy homemade chaat or sweet halwa! Maybe think about cooking these with your significant other or children as helpers.

Pamper yourself during this time as well. If you found it difficult to find time for a massage, manicure, or any other self-care activities, now is the time. Including finding time to exercise and home. You can use YouTube videos to for workout regimes or yoga workouts and just move!

We can work towards reconnecting with others. Think about messaging or calling your Nani, Dadi, Khalas and Phuppos – especially if they live abroad. This is the time to reach out and strengthen our relationships. We have become so involved in this fast paced world that some relationships have taken a backseat – now can be the time to change that. Spending more time with your spouse or kids is beneficial as well.

Make it a chance to spend quality time with your family. I say, hold a dance party with your children – it’s a good workout and keeps the kids busy!

Take this time to read. Explore the written world and the countless realms created by authors. Reading will not only remove us from the current situation for some time, it will also open your mind. So a win-win!

Read books where the author has created an alternate reality such as Harry Potter, it can remove you from the despair and transpose you to  a world where positivity and love wins; or read the biography of Edhi, it just might inspire us to help those in need during this time or at least appreciate them.

If reading is not your thing, go back to the screen and watch programs that interest you. We have access to good quality shows via Youtube, Netflix, Amazon and others. Being a Pakistani, I would definitely recommend watching Pakistani drama that are loved world over! Google names and you will find numerous dramas with different themes and sometimes noble messages.

Additionally, a shout out to artists world over who are using social media for online concerts – a heartfelt shout out to them!

The idea behind all the above suggestions to promote positive emotions in us. Let me now talk about why these positive emotions are important.

The hugs and family time mentioned above, releases hormones like oxytocin in our body. This hormone helps reduce our anxiety and stress – thus improving our immunity. Don’t forget that stress adversely effects out immunity and reducing this stress is vital.

Research has shown that experiencing positive emotions improves our resilience, and resilience is linked to a healthy immune system.

For instance, women who experienced more depressive thoughts and negative emotions were found to have fewer immune system cells as compared to those who experienced optimism and positive emotions. Similarly, another study showed that HIV+ men who showed optimism tended to live longer with healthier immunity to fight off illnesses than pessimistic HIV+ or AIDS individuals.

To circle back, a healthy immune system is important during these trying times. Hence let’s work towards experiencing positive emotions and spreading the positivity with others. Singing in the balcony – as done by Italians and followed by Pakistani’s on March 23rd are good examples of this.

I will end by saying that, sometimes despite engaging with others, reconnecting with relatives, enjoying ‘me’ time and other such activities, our anxiety can be all-consuming. Sometimes, we might not even understand why we are feeling this intense anxiety or stress or what we can do to reduce it.

Here there is no harm or shame in seeking professional help. Reach out to counsellor who can listen to your feelings without judgement and bias. Counsellors can enable you to better understand your feelings and aid in the formation of positive emotions. So reach out when you need – make it your strength and keep yourself safe and healthy!

It is important to recognize signs of bullying and then helping the victims deal with it effectively.

First published: January 21, 2019
https://www.globalvillagespace.com/the-psychological-effects-of-bullying/?fbclid=IwAR2tJFJKTi8mgNo2ebevZS0zceXJHogk3n2kQbpNHkyxa4hqMkdBrz-BXnI

We all have heard the word ‘bully’ or ‘bullying’ and some of us may even be victims or targets of bullying and others might even be the bully. But what exactly is bullying?

Bullying has been defined as one person or a group of people ‘aggressing on a vulnerable peer, primarily to assert control or power.’

Bullying is a phenomenon that transcends gender, culture, ethnicity, and age. It happens in schools, universities and even in the workplace. In a recent study conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) about 19% of high school students have been the victims of bullying and around 15% have experienced cyberbullying or being bullied electronically. In another research by Microsoft looking into online bullying, Pakistan ranked 22nd from the top 25 countries – this was a few years ago, in recent years the prevalence of cyberbullying has most likely increased.

When physical and psychological symptoms increase, it thus affects the behavior of the victims. Behavioral issues that children experience include bedwetting, absence from school, irritability and aggression, etc.

The effects of bullying can last for a long time and can be both psychological as well as physical. Some of the somatic symptoms experienced by bullying victims include colds, headaches, stomach pains, and digestive issues, sleep disturbances, poor appetite, fatigue, dizziness, and so on.

One of the psychological effects that victims might face is social problems. Victims of bullying were found to be socially immature and are said to experience social isolation even when in the company. Social isolation can further reflect in behaviors such as school absenteeism and school avoidance.

In the aftermath of bullying, other psychological symptoms that victims can develop include anxiety, depression, suicidal ideations, and eating disorders (i.e., anorexia or bulimia nervosa). Victims of bullying often experience low self-esteem and self-worth. To simply explain it, the victims get stuck in a kind of vicious cycle that is difficult or nearly impossible to break out of.

The victims start to believe that they deserve the maltreatment and that others are treating them badly because of themselves. They internalize these feelings and suffer through the bullying privately, without voicing the injustice to anyone else. They often feel powerless, as though there is no escape from the bully.

Such negativity becomes pervasive in their life and they then may develop psychological and emotional issues such as depression, anxiety issues (such as generalized anxiety, different phobias, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and others) and may even resort to substance use and abuse.

When physical and psychological symptoms increase, it thus affects the behavior of the victims. Behavioral issues that children experience include bedwetting, absence from school, irritability and aggression, etc.

If the child develops and suffers from depression, anxiety and other psychological issues mentioned above, it is advisable to consult a counselor or psychologist.

Many children and adolescents in Pakistan face bullying in school. In schools, when children report being bullied, teachers try and interfere and often attempt that the victim and the bully become friends and bury the hatchet. However, this strategy is not usually very effective, as a consequence, when parents become involved, the resolution of such matters becomes even more difficult.

Parents of course side with their child and demand some sort of punishment for the other party – for victims, this support can at times be good as they feel a sense of security. This sense of security can often be the first step towards healing for the victim.

If a child has suffered to chronic and long-time bullying, it is important to counteract these effects. Research posits that self-esteem and self-worth are two major aspects that suffer due to childhood bullying. Hence, parents and teachers should work towards improving these two facets of a child.

Victims of bullying require support and positivity from others to boost their confidence. However, healing is often not so easy. If the child develops and suffers from depression, anxiety and other psychological issues mentioned above, it is advisable to consult a counselor or psychologist.

Counseling itself is designed to provide a safe space to individuals. Counselors are trained in putting aside all forms of judgment and preconceived notions and show unconditional positive regard to their clients. Specifically to bullying victims, counseling interventions focus on improving the victims’ psychological well-being and encouraging them to heal and deal effectively with the bullying incident(s).

It is important to recognize signs of bullying and then helping the victims deal with it effectively. The aim to learn to deal with and cope with being bullied and breaking the vicious cycle a victim finds themselves in.

Counselors’ help victims deal with and manage the complex emotions of anxiety, anger, sadness, hopelessness, shame and so on. They help to enhance the victims’ self-esteem and teach them healthy coping mechanisms. Additionally, counselors work toward improving the communication capabilities of victims and encourage them to verbalize their feelings.

Apart from helping the victims, counselors and psychologists can also become involved with schools to train teachers in how to deal with students who complain of being bullied – they can provide training to teachers to show compassion, understanding, and support towards victims. Parental training is also an area that counselors work with, by helping parents help their children who are victims of bullying.

To conclude, bullying is a pervasive problem that immensely affects the youth today. It has associated short-term and long-term negative consequences. It is important to recognize signs of bullying and then helping the victims deal with it effectively. The aim to learn to deal with and cope with being bullied and breaking the vicious cycle a victim finds themselves in.